Deaths are always a sad topic. But they do happen. Every time a loved one is lost I'm always there "being the strong one." What I mean is that lately, the family members and loved ones who have passed away are all related to my mom (siblings or friends) And my mom always breaks down. It's the saddest thing ever but I have to keep it together. ... For her. I hate seeing my mom hurt so much and I wish I could take her pain away. Id endure all her suffering if I could.... That's why I have to be her Rock. I have to. This past week I realized that I'm more than just a Rock....
After hearing that my uncle had passed away I tensed up and became my moms Rock. My dad gave me (his youngest kid) the important task of breaking it to her, because he trusts me when it comes to dealing with my moms emotions. She cried screamed and hugged. And at one point blamed me because while my uncle was in the hospital I had said "He might live a little longer." She took it to heart and yelled "pero tu dijiste que duraria!!" (my heart broke.)
Once funeral services were over (a few days later) and everyone went home I finally put away my Rock costume, broke down all my barriers and cried in the shower. (The one place where I am totally me, where I can trust my solitude and absolutely nothing is there to shield me, both physically and emotionally.) Sometimes that's the best way to deal with things. I felt all my moms pain and suffering in one moment. The fear behind her tears finally made sense.
The next day I woke up feeling OK. Life moves on and everything goes back to normal. :D Even my mom is doing Good. I love the responsibility of being her Rock. and I know I have the important task of transferring her fears and pain over to myself once everything is over. I dont mind as long as she can breathe easier. I would take any pain away from her any day. And a bit of self sacrifice is beautiful after all, - Pain is what she endured to bring me to the world.