“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” ― Marilyn Monroe
This piece of writing is for any girls that have ever taken themselves for granted. I know I have this past few weeks and I am tired of it. I have been underestimating myself. I will not be editing any of this blog after I publish it. I am not in the mood to not follow rules and systems but I am definitely here to make a statement.
I am not perfect.
I get to work late sometimes. I do not paint my nails every day. I laugh really loud. I eat a lot. I like listening to loud music in the morning. I drive really bad most of the time. I do not do my hair when I do not want to. I dislike watching sports. I have not kept up with much news like I should. I do not watch television. I am definitely a very aggressive mini golf, darts, racquetball, and pool player. I am not a big flirt.
My actions do not define me.
I rear ended a woman this past week because I was too angry to look back up and make sure that she had actually made a right onto the next street. I accidentally hit a kid with the soccer ball when I kicked it. I fell in front of my class and sat on the ground for a few minutes thereafter.
I need to stop blaming myself.
If things do not happen the way I expected them to be, I need to remember that is the way the world works and that it is not my fault. I need to remember that everything happens for a reason and that things will fall into place when they need to. I will not hold others accountable and accept their flaws as well instead of attacking them. I will continue to set goals, dream, and work toward success. I will have faith and continue to believe in all the goodness that the world brings. I will be positive.
I will not listen to anything negative others have to say about me and will let things go.
Being human unfortunately comes with many feelings involved that are good and bad. I will not let anyone that seems to be jealous, angry, prejudiced, spiteful, or hateful influence any of my feelings. I will stop thinking of the ways in which people have hurt me before and the critical role they played in my life. They will not have any more power from me than what they have already taken or rather given me. I will forgive and be thankful for what I have learned along the way.
I will continue to be noble and admirable.
I will stop bothering people because I am jealous, angry, tired, sleepy, hungry, or hateful. I will not seek more attention in passive aggressive ways and let my friends have a life. I will be ready to keep teaching my first graders because they love me and are easily influenced by me. I will work even harder to publish more stories and stop complaining that I do not have time for myself anymore.
I am beautiful.
I am selfish, outspoken, strong, sassy, and confident. I am an older sister and a great daughter. I am a journalist and teacher. I identify as a feminist and am a great example of how great that label can really be. I am a woman with many virtues and deserve it all. I am not afraid. I am brave. I have curly unruly hair. I have beautiful hazel eyes with green around them. My lips are sweet and pink. I have gorgeous legs. I love to study things. I read things and know things that I should not. I like chocolate. I love coffee. I miss my mother and siblings. I like boxing. I run long distances. I like bright colors. I would die of happiness if I saw Christina Aguilera. I sing when I am happy. I will sit in front of the computer and be happy for hours. I love watching movies. I love dresses. I do enjoy cooking. I do not have to explain myself to anybody. I am a clumsy and say things wrong. I am funny. I refuse to talk like a nerd. I work all the time. I have self-respect.
I am the best.
I know I wrote the several paragraphs before this one with myself in mind but I am sure that all of us can relate. The worst part of feeling down about yourself is feeling alone. The idea that there is no one else going through the same things or can help you get out of the dark hole you crawl into. It is not something that goes away for some. I know it continues to be a problem for me, therefore, I continue to work at it. Know that you are not alone; I am here and so are others.
If you ever feel this same way, write a list like I did and embrace yourself. Accept your flaws and beauty. Be genuine and transcend.