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Im fine, Im fine..... dont worry, just keep on going.

Hold your head high! Let them know you are not afraid to speak!

I look around, same faces every morning, everyday, never changes.

Im comfortable with people I know, one of my close friends, lets go get breakfast! Talk or hardly talk, what ever her mood is, I know my distance. 

The bell is going to ring, same faces I must see, say "Good Morning!" with a smile that shall please, 

The shy me it wants to be...

Hold your head high, let it be known you want to speak! Get over yourself, it's not a big deal, go on talk!

Warmth reaches my checks,  "Im too scared to talk... another time Irena." Heart beats, inhale, breathe steady, don't be scared... why the sweaty hands?

What do I say? I'll wait till the announcements come on, hear the Assistant Principals gossip,

"Oh such children they are!" Can't help my self but let my lips take over and let loose a shy smile, "To think that they are grown-ups..."

Why can't you be like them, laugh and be jolly! "Because they know each other, its their little circle of trust..."

Ah look its you "crush" to bad he has to sit next to you, all the Assistant Principles took the seats!

"Leave me alone... don't embarrass me now!" Try not to blush so much. Impossible.

Courtesy, pick up students or sit and do art for them... what can I say? Its an easy class...

"Mija can you go pick up these students for me?" A whispered yes... and nod and smile they'd understand better.

"I hope I dont mess up and go to their tenth period class!"

If you do... what if  the teacher is giving a lesson and you interrupted for nothing! HA! FOOL! "Then I'll just say sorry wrong class that is all..." Walking away... Smiling it off, We all make mistakes right?

Walking up and down the stairs, no student here, one student there, 

Look your "crush" once again, at the hall, to bad he wont make eye contact with you, "maybe he is shy too?"

Battle this invisible being off... bell rings, second period class starts, so many people at the halls... AP Economics, teacher teaches off of slides all period.

Look straight ahead and hold your head up high! Show them that you aren't afraid to speak!

Don't trip up the stairs ok?

Meet a few more friends, more relaxed I am, everyone knows im shy... [She'll blush the instant you talk to her.] 

French is next, "Bonjour Madam.." Rosy pink checks.

Lets hope she wont make you talk in front of the class! Then you'll be a Red Rose! "I know I know... I can't help it!" - Relax, steady now, just look at her eyes, look at their faces, show them that you aren't afraid to speak.

Others present, so calm to me  they seem... "why can't I be like them..."

Because they aren't you.

AP Biology, no homework from her right? Let her talk all period,

Why are you "blooming?" There is no need too, "I know I can't help it!" Im getting angry with myself.

A silent battle.

Study Skills, Nothing to do, same teacher for Economics, let him talk to those girls who are loud and obnoxious,

"why can't I be like them" 

Because it's just not you.

Talk to the girl you had for French and Biology, feeling more at ease, do homework for AP English! Don't fail with the "Senior Killer"

Art is next, are you ready?

Meet with another close friend, [feeling a little distant from her at times] 

Its cause she is talking with that girl that completely broke your trust with people, "I was just trying to help her... and she blew me off..." You're always being hurt by others, yet you help them and they don't help you back... like an old rag. "Then I wont trust people as I used to then!"

It is difficult for me to trust new people, I don't label people as "Best Friends" just "friends" 

I feel as though I manipulate people, secretly, quietly, shyly.

That's my girl! " I feel so horrible, get away from me..." [back to reality]

My other close friend waits for us by the hall, an awkward "hey" is passed on, then a few laughs, we aren't the girly friends that scream in the halls saying "how much I missed you" when its only been Saturday and Sunday. It never will.

"i don't want to get to close to people..." Live your life! Be friends with them, lift your head and let them know you aren't afraid to speak! Laugh.

  Silent Battle.

Art class

Teacher expects a lot from you! You went to State, and you know you are good in art, don't fail him now! "leave me alone, I'll work when I feel like it..." Look, he's coming...

Work on a clown, he says he likes, Im bored with this project! Let me work on my pen work!

Lunch is next, people, people everywhere are you ready!?

Look straight ahead, let them know you aren't afraid of them. What should we eat? All the lunch choices are horrible...

Pre-calculus is next, you know? That girl that sits in front of you sure isn't shy! She speaks her mind and is not afraid, why can't you be like her?

"Because she is not me"

I realize, something.

AP English! Say Hi to that teacher! "I say hello to all my teachers..." Blush is a bloom.

Sit on your desk, look your friend is here now,- Relax.

Blushing again for no reason?  mmhhh... Burning hot checks. thinking of...

"At least I have tenth period off... what a relief!"

You made it! What about tomorrow?

SHY-

Just a constant battle, I hate it back with all my heart. If I do get to "trust" someone, Im a pretty good person to talk to, yeah I am weird, and I WONT deny it, its who I am, and I don't hate weird as much as I hate shy... I just like nature and get distracted easily and have a different train of thought than others, and I like helping others too.. but never get help back... I don't like to bother people with my problems.  Id sometimes wish I was like those other outgoing girls that aren't afraid to say anything.. then again they don't think twice on what they will say... I get along better with adults than with people my age, so I talk a little more to the AP Office ladies (courtesy) than well... others. Ha. Hope it didn't get confusing, Sometimes its my "shady" side and others its my "silent confident" side and and obviously the quotes are me. I think it is a little much on my private life but since I know no one on here, or haven't met and perhaps no one will meet me in real life I guess its ok. Trusting strangers than the people you know is a scary thing. But I am a happy person overall :) haha live life!

Moving on to do that essay for english...... *pout*

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Tags: SHY, battle, happy, life, me, personality, quiet, school, teen, venting

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Comment by Irena Fierro on December 7, 2012 at 9:20pm

Hi Kristyn,

Actually when I was younger I would talk to others, well still shy but much more talkative  now... lets just say things happen in life, and I just got extremely shy and closed in. Although I do love myself, being shy/polite has its good sides, but sometimes it doesnt help! Hope sooner or later you will accept yourself for who you truly are! :)


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